It's been a few years...

It's been a few years, but I have a blog, so I figured, why let it go to waste?

I'm going to Guatemala on Thursday and thought that maybe I'll update while I'm there...So here it is, for the next three weeks this blog may or may not do travel.

I may or may not have internet.
I may or may not have a cell phone.
I may or may not speak a word of Spanish.

But either way the tickets are bought, and my first night in a hostel is booked!

My Chapped Lips.

I looked all over the house for chap stick, any kind of chap stick.
The kind in the tube, the kind in the tub that you have to dig your fingers in to get any out- to me it didn't matter, my lips were very, very dry, and I could not - I repeat, could not go outside like this.

I opened drawers, checked under beds, and even searched in between couch cushions, but I found nothing.

And then, as if God himself appeared to present this abundant gift, directly in front of me were six tubes of Chap.

I was saved, God loved me, there was a higher power, miracles do happen - They were glue sticks.

The Haj

Lately I seem to be helping a lot of old men go to the bathroom.

It's unintentional, but apparently I seem to give off the "I understand 21st century toilet and hand washing technology" vibe.

I've started to think of myself as some kind of Mecca for men 75 and over.

The first time a man made pilgrimage to me, I was surprised, but still did my utmost to help him.

"Here, place your hands here, and then the water comes out"
"Thank You"

But then more came...

"Here, and when you walk away from the urinal, the toilet flushes on it's own."
"Thank You"

And still more...

"Here, and when you put your hands near this, air comes out and dries them. You're going to have to rub them together a little too...yup, just like that."
"I miss paper towels"
"...you're welcome"

Now when I have to pee, there are no surprises;
I have accepted my role as the bathroom guru.
I help men on their journey,
and if you'll excuse me,

there are toilets that need flushing...

Thank God

My train was stuck, but thank god there was a passenger on-board who could tell everyone it would take three hours before we got moving.

Thank God it only took an hour.
Thank God he was sitting so close to me, otherwise I might not have been so lucky as to hear him spout off "fact" after "fact."

Thank God I had a book to read.

The Police

I was walking down the street when I passed a cop car with two female officers sitting inside...and I thought "that's cute."
Then I wondered what would happen if there was a real emergency?

Was the man-cop sleeping in the backseat?

Back of a Head

I used to think you could tell a lot about a person by the back of their head.
Whether or not they're fat, or hot, or tall, or skinny, or ugly, or in a wheelchair.
But then there was today.
And today, everything changed.

I was sitting on the train enjoying my evening commute when I saw a back of a head a few rows up that was beautiful.
This girl had a really sexy back of a head.
Shiny brown hair, and a little knot tied.
The back of a head of a skinny girl.
I was blinded by its sheer beauty.
And then she stood up.
And she was fat.
And my heart sank; I was shocked.
How could someone like that have such a pretty back of a head?

And then I realized...conditioner.

Slavery

I want to know when the word "slave" was changed to "intern" in the English language.
I just find the whole situation a little ridiculous.
I work for peanuts.
Literally.
My boss keeps a bowl of peanuts by her desk,
and everyday I take a few more.